Do not add up my burden puhliss..

So today I felt mentally exhausted. like super tired, but not physically. It was not merely my fault, but others' fault. Sorry for not admitting my fault. But, I'm upset you know. I met one old friend who would be graduating very soon in my campus.So, we chit chat a bit about subjects that I currently take and how much subjects left.So the beginning was super fine.. I enjoyed the concern.. But later, she said why I did not take all subjects in this semester, total 8 subjects. So, I said oh I cant take that because it was overload and the campus wouldn't let me do so. then, she said oh it was fine. her friend did that too. So, she began to redesign my schedule like telling me that I made a huge mistake. I said Alaa its okay. The add drop session had already ended already (long time ago, almost a month) So, she said Rugi laa bla333333 and sort of a huge disappointment for my decision.

What she did not know was, I already thought thoroughly before stepping into this semester, before deciding that I will extend my semester, I will graduate later than my friends and many more. i have been upset, down and more. Of course I care about my future.. Please dont question the sensitive questions if you do not know what I am dealing with. I did not take all the subjects altogether because I want to maintain a good pointer. I don't want to spoil it just to grad faster. I know I am not a fast learner lately. Huhu.. So, I decided to just finish my degree at the end of 2019 and graduate on 2020. Huhu.. Most of my family members and friends already supported my decision and hope the best for me. And I am also fine to see my friends' achievement and we even planned to do the pre convo together. No jealous or upset feeling at all. But, someone has just ignited the sadness again ...

Well, this issue is not too big for me cuz I will forget about it soon as I just want to focus and end this degree very soon but with flying colors Inshallah. but there's another situation.

People just cant stand seeing my flawed skin and questioned about it ?????????????????
Well, it did not just happen to me but also to my friend...

Do you people know that we did not plan to grow these bumps on our skin?
Do you pi-pol know that we do not want to have these????????
Oh, do you know that we actually take care of our skin more than you??????
and we are really cautious when eating food. There's a lot of 'NO' instead of yes. We avoid nuts, dairy food and food that are too oily and sweet.

But, things cant just always result just like we want..
I have suffered from acne severely when I was 18 years old.
Maybe it was due to the pollution there but it continues until now and getting worse. Even it seems to heal, they start to grow and grow again...

So, some people would ask...
Tak jaga makan ke?
Ni mesti sebab asyik tukar produk.
Muke berminyak tu sebab makan benda berminyak lah.
Muke sensitif ni.
Jangan makan coklat.
Minum air banyak sikit.
Tryla produk ni.. Tryla yang tu,
cuba makan supplemen ni..
Patut takde yang nak pun... (well maybe I feel this )
Geram nak picit.

Or even worse, they compare me with my other beautiful siblings, and wonder why didn't I become flawless like them?

Well, I wonder it too but I never bother about it because we siblings never compare cuz we know it would hurt. SO dont !

I know I am not that pretty enough in your eyes, I am not that deserved to be a Kelantanese due to my flawed face and my sedo funny looking and boring and what so ever. I know it already lah... But, I can try to improve my personality or akhlak as those can be shaped and improved. The skin is very stubborn and takes time to improve. So let us just pray for me to own a better skin just like you, the judgmental people :D I think I should have taken this opportunity for being oppressed to pray as much as I could wholeheartedly to grant me a clear skin because I was hurt by people's words :')


I may not look like as someone who always have a problem or serabut or gloomy or stressed. Because they are unnecessary and temporary. So I just accept it with hope that people could cope and keep calm with my flaws. It doesnt bother me, so surely it would not bother you too. Just keep your mouth shut and just let the nice things to be expressed from it. Let me live serenely XD

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sincerely Miss LOL

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Me and my same old grossed problem

I thought that I would get rid of my problem sooner after taking care of my face very precisely. I follow every rule and step that are required to protect my skin. Alhamdulillah, so far so good and my face is less dry than before. I used cleanser, toner, moisturizer and sunscreen just like most skincare freaks told in their social medias. And they are trusted so don't worry. I'm not going to blame any of them. My face is no longer invaded with acnes or any bumps so I feel like I want to add something new which is exfoliator. I cant really use physical exfoliator like St. Ives either green tea or apricot. So, I did some readings on chemical exfoliator. and I was interested with one stuff that consists of glycolic acid which claim for having low percentage of it and suitable for beginners etc T.T I tried it in just a small amount (patch test). I dabbed it at my left cheek but not all parts. I just dabbed it almost close to my ear because there were some tiny bumps like milia over there. And they were very stubborn to be killed. So, my major reason for adding this "holy grail" product was to make my skin clearer. (How I wish)

BUT NO ..
To have a flawless skin like other girls would just be a dream for me :')

I am terribly upset with the reaction happened on my face.
I just used it for three days at night, meaning three dabs only at a small part of my left cheek. but they did very great in welcoming itchy and big acnes on my cheek. For your information, my skin is very poor in recovering scars. and they can appear very red especially during day. So, people wouldn't see any clear part on my face as there are red bumps everywhere, and they even attacked my chins. they are irritating and I could not help myself from not touching them. I became more interested to look at the mirror, giving up with myself, not hoping too much for recovery because I know this would take a donkey year to heal. I thought it would end soon, but now it begins again. and I am healing them again starting from zero...………………….

So, SAY NO to glycolic acid ;D for me. not for others. I'm just not as fortunate as others who could try anything based on positive feedbacks and receive the same impacts too. No, I'm not. I just have to stick with my current skincare instead of planning to exfoliate my skin.

and I am not interested to cover my skin with stuffs like foundation etc so, me is redha if people see my with such flawed face. Just accept it. I can accept it, but I am just ashamed to deal with people that seem to judge my face. I don't know if such people exist, but if you guys happen to experience the same problem with me, YOU KNOW. :D It is 'our' problem for having such a bad thought while people don't even give a damn to our ugliness. LOL.

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sincerely Miss LOL

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